Trans Agenda: How to Get Through the Holiday Season!

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Dec 5

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It’s that feared (and often, dreaded) time of year again, when spending time with family becomes more of a requirement than a suggestion. It’s the time when queers must prep themselves, and not just their holes, for possible judgement, ridicule, and a wee bit of tough love. Many regard it as “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for trans and queer people alike, it can turn out to be the worst. Get ready to light the tree and inevitably be engaged in conversations that’ll have you thinking, “Did I ask for a side of anxiety and unresolved familial trauma with this figgy pudding?” because it’s time for the holidays!

Navigating the holiday season as a queer person can be a tumultuously stressful endeavor, filled with uncomfortable questions, overcritical attitudes, and even a few altercations here and there. If you’re a queer person with older family members in your life (think, like, boomer-age and older) it can be difficult to explain certain aspects of your life or to coexist with them. For some, these cringey familial interactions may come with a need to modify one’s own appearance and/or forego the yearly SHE-says-her-pronouns-are-THEY/THEM conversation. Whether it’s holding family members accountable for how they address you, or calling them out on the disparaging comments they make about you, here are some tips on making it through the holidays with in one piece.

This holiday season, come correct and be prepared to deal with those family members who never seem to just...get it. Be direct in the way you handle situations regarding your name, pronouns, how you wish to be addressed, and more! Call ‘em out! Granted, not every family member is going to respect your wishes, but it’s better to maintain a firm stance when faced with familial adversity. This shows that you are coming from a place of seriousness and that their disdain affects your life, even when you’re not around them.

Although the holidays are a time for togetherness, be sure to prioritize yourself and your mental health. It’s not worth it to endure the pain of experiencing queerphobia within your own household, all over a rickety childhood bed and those microwavable mashed potatoes your mom insists on serving with every Christmas dinner. If you have the resources, remove yourself from the situation. Phone a friend! I always like to identify the times of day and places I can go to recollect, check in with myself, and tune out the negativity that comes with being around insensible family members.

If all else fails, just know that a lot of people act out in fear of the unknown and love for you as a member of the family. It is scary to be queer and, believe it or not, the people in your life know this! Keeping a rational, yet emphatic demeanor while trying to explain the things they just don’t understand, will make for a more successful and healthy conversation with your loved ones.

Watch as I talk more about this topic in the newest installment of the Trans Agenda!

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Ivana Fischer is the Culture Editor of WUSSY and a film and media enthusiast who specializes in cultural studies. You can find her across all socials @iv.fischer

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