It Follows: Or, It Follows Dat Tight Ass

FeaturesWriting

Apr 7

Featured

Sparkle Hooves is the brain child of Atlanta legend, Eddie Ray and animator Tori Cook. "It's fun to write for him, because it's exactly what people want to say. He says it for us, so we don't look like whores!" says Eddie.

Sparkle Hooves describes himself as "just a gay little pony that lives in Atlanta, GA. I love to talk about what's going in the city and anything sexy hunty!".

For more about Sparkle Hooves, please visit his Facebook.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Hunty!

I just saw the scary ass movie It Follows, and it scared the condoms out of me. Bitch, I practice safe sex!

Anywayyyyyy, it’s about this teenage girl who puts out for this hot-ass white trash man. I love me a trashy ass man. Honey, listen. This little pony would’ve put out for him all night. Unfortunately, that's the fuckin’ problem in this movie, ‘cuz now he’s given her something that makes these ugly-ass evil hookers come after her and some are even fuckin’ naked. OH NOOOOOO! Gurllll, don’t get your hopes up ‘cuz they are beat-the-fuck-up nasty. Sometimes naked ain’t a good thing. They were giving you Loretta Lynn used-up hookers on that ass.

So now she has got to fuck someone else ASAP to get rid of these horror herpes. UMMMMM listen: all you had to say to me was, “You need to fuck someone else to get rid. . .” and I would have already fucked two people before you told me the rest of that goddamn sentence. Shiiittttt! I was like, this ain’t a horror movie, this is a goddamn documentary about my life. Don’t tell this little bitch to fuck to survive ‘cuz I will! Fuck and run! Fuck and run!

At one point in the movie, she takes the time to have sex with another hot dude. YASSS, he was hot as buffalo wings on a Friday night at JR Cricket’s. The problem was another ugly hooker was coming to get her. She needed to get on top of that hot dick in a moving car. Keep on moving, don’t stop bitch! THEY COMIN’! If there are demon hookers after me nonstop, then I will fuck on the go.

In the meantime, this is one hot and sexy-ass horror movie. I can’t wait to see who they fuck in the sequel! They were serving up spooky Nightmare on Elm Street realness with a side of hot ass dudes and a soundtrack I could orgasm to. I give this movie four blowjobs out of four. It’s hot, sexy, and scary. Just like my bedroom. Oh no, hunty!!!!!

Hot Guys in the Movie That You May Want to Jerk Off to During or After You See It, Ranked: