10 Things Better Than Adele

Features

Oct 23

Featured

Nothing is as culturally titillating as bandwagon fervor and soon to be cyclically spinning pop music. That is, until you consider all of the things that are.

WUSSY proudly presents a listicle of 10 new things that should excite you more than a numerically titled album by someone who clearly looks like they drink way too much merlot—it is the colder part of the year, so that may be forgivable.

1. McDonald’s All-Day Breakfast Menu

Be real, some of you drink before 5 o’clock (we don’t judge). The only downside to that is not having access to $1 hash browns and dry yet somehow still greasy biscuits with rubbery, pork-infused discs sandwiched between. However, change has come because now everyone’s daytime drinking habits can be sopped up with Ronald’s finest—even after 11 AM!

2. Google Fiber

Remember when Google made the announcement that they were coming to Atlanta? Yeah, it wasn’t that long ago. If you head over to their website you can observe their progress in real time or at least the same way you can observe a UPS package or Domino’s delivery. However, Google is only going to bring their hi-tech fiber optic infrastructure to the neighborhoods that want it. So you better sign up NOW. Why pay to empathize with some really rich woman, when you can be rich in download and streaming speed?! Save that $10.99 for a Google Fiber subscription.

3. We Suki Suki: A global grub collective in EAV

Q. Trinh, the owner and founder of We Suki Suki, is a fucking nut. She also happens to make amazing banh mis. Not long ago, our big sister publication Creative Loafing published a story detailing Q.’s week-long rush to open up a food hall in EAV. Seriously, she opened it in a week. The former home to Urban Cannibals includes frozen fruit, a “biscuit bitch” (Q.’s words, promise), tamales, and pho. Q. openly eschews the idea of chef-driven street food, so if you’re looking for a truffle-infused rip-off, keep moving.

4. Joanna Newsom’s Divers

Let’s pretend for a moment that the staff here aren’t a bunch of elitist snobs with high expectations for southern Queer cultural literacy. I’ll give you three seconds.

One…

Two…

Three…

Okay, now back to reality, because we want you to log out of Spotify for a minute and listen to the musical stylings of actual elf-person Joanna Newsom. What is sure to be one of the most talked about releases shouldn’t be sequestered to vinyl-only storefronts and people with actual taste, but it may happen. Joanna Newsom has been active since 2002, which is an impressive career for a musician who features the harp as her principal medium. You already know what that album all the queens are talking about sounds like, trust me; buy Divers instead.

5. Skarlet Starlet at Tossed Salad, October 25th @ Burkharts Pub

None of us here at WUSSY actually know if Skarlet Starlet is talented, a good performer, or even a real person. However, we do know that Tossed Salad almost never hosts a performer that performs Adele songs on a bi-weekly basis with meringue-shaped hair toppers and Dynasty-inspired rhinestone patterns. That much we do know. So before every gay bar in Atlanta becomes an unofficial alter to pop music’s own Helga Pataki, clear that palate with some greens.

6. Listening to Dirty Sprite 2 twenty times until it actually makes sense

If you’ve ever been too broke to go to a bar in this city and probably couldn’t convince your friends even if you could afford it, then you need to learn the words to every song on this album. Why find yourself left out of the fun when a geeked-up pantsless Ponce-monster turns the lights out and drops “Where Ya At?” for the 15th time that night? Stop crying over how sensitive you think prolific Grammy winners are and start fuckin’ with the trap.

7. Waltz at the High Museum of Art, presented by Core – October 23rd (Tonight)

Brigitte Bidet isn’t just a drag queen; she’s a Columbia College–trained professional dancer that moonlights as the best hostess in the city. Run to the High Museum of Art tonight to witness what happens when you let a lace-front aficionado take control of the city’s most beloved artistic space (it makes us worldly!).

8. Clicking the “Going” button on the Powder Room event page

Seriously, stop bitching about the lack of places to dance while WUSSY literally throws our Creative Loafing endorsed pussy in your faces. November 6th is our return to Heretic, which is like a week after we tear it down with the Russian (?) contestant from RuPaul's Drag Race (season 7). Ada Manzhart and Bitqch Puddin’ are going to entertain partygoers in the wee hours of the evening; performances will be preceded by ass-shaking and drink specials.

9. Finding time lapses of Kylie Jenner’s face

Here is the link. Bye.

10. Erykah Badu’s cover of “Hotline Bling”

While every girl wearing a Herve Leger knock-off bandage dress discusses Drake’s justifications in calling out his former booty call’s newfound self-respect, Erykah has arrived to resurrect feminist assurance that once again, these dudes ain’t shit. Head over to her soundcloud and listen to her cover again and again, or at least however long it takes for you to throw the bandage dress out and get your groove back.